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Small daily things
50 questions to ask your partner every day
“How was your day?” “Fine.” Repeat that for a year and you'll know your partner's calendar better than their inner life. Daily questions help, as long as they're the right size.
Why one question a day works
In a famous 1997 study, psychologist Arthur Aron had pairs of strangers take turns answering a set of questions that slowly got more personal. Within 45 minutes, many reported feeling remarkably close. For couples, the mechanism matters more than the specific questions. Closeness grows when people take turns sharing a little more than usual, and the other person responds with interest.
Long-term couples often stop doing this because they assume they already know each other. But your partner picks up new worries, hopes and opinions every year, and one small question a day keeps you up to date with who they are now.
A daily question works better than an occasional deep talk because it's low-stakes: nobody has to prepare or perform.
10 questions to ask instead of “how was your day?”
- What was the best part of your day, even if it was tiny?
- What's one moment from today you'd replay?
- What drained you most today?
- Did anything surprise you today?
- Who made you laugh today?
- What's taking up most of your head right now?
- What did you learn today, about anything?
- On a scale of soup to steak, how was today?Silly scales make it easier to answer honestly.
- Is there anything from today you want to get off your chest?
- What's one thing tomorrow you're looking forward to?
10 light questions for tired evenings
- If we could teleport anywhere for dinner tonight, where would we go?
- What's a song you can't stop listening to?
- What's the best thing you ate this week?
- Which friend would you call first with good news?
- What's something small that made you happy recently?
- If you had a free Saturday with zero obligations, what would you do?
- What's a smell that instantly takes you back somewhere?
- What's a skill you'd love to have without practicing?
- What's the most “you” thing you did this week?
- What's a show or book you'd recommend to me right now?
10 deeper questions for closeness
- When do you feel most like yourself?
- What's something you're quietly proud of lately?
- What's a worry you've been carrying that you haven't said out loud?
- What's a memory from childhood that shaped you?
- What do you wish more people understood about you?
- What's something you've changed your mind about in the last few years?
- What does a good life look like to you right now?
- Who do you miss?
- What's something you've been wanting to try, but feel nervous about?
- What's helping you most at the moment?
10 questions about the two of you
- What's your favorite memory of us from this year?
- When did you feel most loved by me recently?
- What's something I do that you secretly love?
- Is there anything I could do this week that would make your life a bit easier?
- What's one thing you'd like us to do more of?
- What's a tradition you'd like us to start?
- What did you first notice about me?
- Where do you see us in five years, in a fun way?
- Is there something you've wanted to tell me but haven't found the moment?Ask this one on a calm, good day.
- What do you need more of from me right now?
10 fun and flirty questions
- What's something I wore that you still think about?
- What would your perfect date with me look like?
- What's the most attractive thing I do without realizing it?
- If we were in a movie, what genre would it be?
- Which compliment from me do you remember most?
- What's a tiny thing I do that makes you smile?
- What's one adventure you want us to have before we're old?
- What would you put in a playlist about us?
- What's the best kiss we've ever had?
- What's one thing you'd love me to surprise you with?
How to ask, so it doesn't feel like an interview
- One question, not ten. Ten in a row turns it into a questionnaire.
- Pick a relaxed moment. Over dinner, on a walk, in bed, but not while they're in the middle of an email.
- Answer it yourself too, so it feels like a conversation.
- Follow up, don't move on. “Tell me more about that” is about the best follow-up question there is.
- Don't judge the answer. If an honest answer gets a sigh or a debate, the next one will be less honest.
- Keep it light most days. Save the deep questions for some nights, not all of them.
Want a slightly more structured weekly version? Try these relationship check-in questions.
One question a day, chosen for your relationship
Lists run out, and it's hard to pick the right question when you're tired. Withie's Daily Spark asks you one question a day, chosen for your relationship and naming your partner, then helps you bring it to them.
- Open the Daily Spark.One question, waiting every day, about the two of you. Don't like it? Swap it for another.
- Reflect privately.Answer in your own words. Only you see it, which makes it easier to be honest.
- Bring it to your partner.Withie turns your answer into a micromission, often a question to ask them tonight, worded for your partner by name.
Questions people ask
What should I ask my partner every day?
Swap “how was your day?” for something specific: “What was the best part of your day?”, “What's been on your mind?”, “What are you looking forward to this week?” One good question with your full attention on the answer does more than five rushed ones.
What are deep questions to ask your partner?
Deep questions invite feelings, values and memories: “When do you feel most like yourself?”, “What's something you've never told me?”, “What do you need more of from me right now?” Mix them with lighter ones so it never feels like an interview.
Is there an app with daily questions for couples?
Yes, several. Most of them, like Paired and Agapé, are built for both partners to answer and see each other's responses. Withie asks only you one question a day and turns your answer into a small action for your partner, so it works even if they never download anything. See how they compare.
What if my partner gives one-word answers?
Make the questions smaller and more concrete, ask at relaxed moments (side by side often works better than face to face), and answer first yourself. Some partners need time to warm up to this. Our guide on helping a partner open up has more ideas.
This guide is general information, not therapy or medical advice. If you feel unsafe in your relationship, or you're in crisis, please contact a licensed professional or your local emergency number.